<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>like a flame that flickered out too soon by dodgefred</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273718">like a flame that flickered out too soon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodgefred/pseuds/dodgefred'>dodgefred</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Alice by Heart - Sheik/Sater/Sater &amp; Nelson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, Death by pregnancy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Modern Era, Parental Death, Pregnancy, Pregnancy complications, Star metaphors, basically if ur triggered by death do not read!!, bc im gay and love the stars shut up, two deaths actually</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:14:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodgefred/pseuds/dodgefred</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alice knew she’d later make plans to run far, far away. She didn’t want to stay with her sister and do paperwork and be sad. She didn’t want to attend a funeral, and she didn’t want her entire class to tell her “Sorry for your loss.” She didn’t want to read sympathy cards or open up pity gifts. Alice didn’t want to mourn. But for now, while the stars were still out, Alice just wanted to lay in Alfred’s arms and do just that.</p>
<p>Or, how Alice Spencer's parents died.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alfred Hallam/Alice Spencer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>like a flame that flickered out too soon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is my modern backstory for alice!!! i know in canon its implied her sister died but like pre-book i had her mom die of pregnancy complications after her husband's death so i just spaced them out a few years after learning more of her backstory. pls talk to me abt alice spencer anytime i love her v much.</p>
<p>if you didnt read the tags, tw for pregnancy, pregnancy complications leading to death, death of a parent, and general death!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She was just ten years old. It had started long before that, but Alice didn’t exactly know what was going on. All she knew was one day, her father wasn’t able to go to Wonderland with her and Alfred anymore. He stopped being able to go on family walks in the evening. He needed to stay in bed more often. He needed to go to hospital more often. He came home less often. Alice got to see him less and less. The mores and the lesses in regards to her father were absolutely crushing for Alice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was just ten years old when her mother needed to bring her father to hospital. She had been used to her mum leaving eighteen year-old Cathy to watch Alice during dad’s hospital trips, but this time felt different. Her mum left without packing any bags like she normally did, even though she left for a few days. Cathy didn’t let Alfred come over to the house. When Alice went over to the Hallams’, Mrs. Hallam asked how she was dealing with things. Alice didn’t know what that meant. Mum returned home with tears staining her cheeks and a straight face. She didn’t smile or hug her daughters when she got back, but she wordlessly gave Alice a small teddy and a sweet. from the hospital gift shop and went to her bedroom to be alone. Alice had never seen her mother like this. Normally she’d at least greet them!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Every single night, the Spencers sat by the fireplace and read a story together. That night, Alice’s mum didn’t come to her usual big plush chair. Alice sat alone in the dark living room with a book of choice held tightly to her chest. She fell asleep like that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was only a few hours later when Alice felt her mother pick her up and carry her back to her bedroom. Alice, in her softest and sleepiest voice, asked, “What about our story?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice’s mother clearly wasn’t expecting this question and cleared her throat, though it still cracked when she said, “Mumma doesn’t feel like reading tonight, Lissa.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice rubbed at her eyes as her mum laid her down in bed. “Why?” she whined. “We’ve never ever skipped a night."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice’s mum sighed and sat down on the edge of Alice’s bed. The Spencer parents were always the most honest with their children, no matter how difficult the subject. “Well, love...I found out today that...-” Mrs. Spencer paused to catch her breath. She was always a good-hearted woman who would never hide anything serious from her children, but she wasn’t sure if she could relive that moment herself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dadda isn’t coming home,” She explained slowly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice only looked confused. “Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mum wrapped her arms around Alice. “Dadda was very sick for a very long time. He died today, Alice.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No he didn’t.” Alice shook her head. How was she meant to react to that news? The only death she had ever experienced was that of Alfred’s nan just a year prior. She died because she was old. Alice’s father wasn’t old. He even told Alice he’d get out of the hospital soon so they could buy a book shop or a library! He told Alice they’d be together once again very soon. He told Alice he’d even be well enough to read to her once again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Although...her mother never used her full name unless it was really serious. Alice looked up to her mum and noticed she was crying. Her bedroom was dark, but the light of the moon illuminated it. Alice began to weep, too. “No, he didn’t,” she repeated, hoping desperately that this was just some cruel trick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice’s mother shook her head. She hugged Alice close to her chest. “I know, Lissa. I know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They sat in that strange silence for a while. Soon, Alice’s mum said, “Hey.” Alice looked up at her with big, tearfilled eyes. Her mother gestured out the window. “Dadda is still with us, you know. Just because he can’t read to you or give you hugs and kisses anymore...that doesn’t mean he’s gone forever. Energy can’t just disappear.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice had no idea what that meant, and that was obvious. Alice’s mother decided to rephrase. “He’s still in the stars, Lissa. Look out at the stars. The constellations are just Dadda drawing pictures. Shooting stars are Dadda...tossing a ball around his new nighttime backyard. He’s still here, even if he isn’t. He’s up there with all of the great heroes of humankind’s past. All of the...Edgar Allan Poes and the Sapphos and the Einsteins of the world. Dadda is still here. Just far away.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice trusted her mother. She didn’t have any reason to lie. Especially over something like this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Alice said. “Can you read me a story now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice was fifteen. Her sister had pretty much moved out, and she lived alone with her mother. Mrs. Spencer remembered a few months back that Mr. Spencer still had some sperm frozen, and had decided to try and use it instead of letting it go to waste. Needless to say, she was currently pregnant with her third child. Mrs. Spencer had a history of pregnancy complications, but she desperately wanted one final piece of her late husband. So she was pregnant with a baby boy. Alice helped her, and so did the Hallams next door. Her mother allowed Alice to name the baby, and Alice decided to call him Nicholas. Nicholas Alfred Spencer- after her dear friend, of course.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pregnancy was going really well! Alice was excited to meet her baby brother, and so was Alfred. The Spencers were like a second family to Alfred. Alice’s mum was his, and Alice’s brother would be his, too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One afternoon, just a few too months early, Alice’s mother felt a pang in her stomach. Mrs. Hallam rushed her to the hospital, and insisted Alice and Alfred stay home. All afternoon, Alice worried for her mother.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was never a worrier, but when she was, Alice was terribly anxious. Alice didn’t trust doctors. She believed they had killed her father, and she was still angry that the doctors couldn’t just fix Alfred and make sure he never had to go back to hospital again -- he was terribly sick as a child, even though he was better now -- so she was extremely upset that her mum needed to go back to that place. Alfred tried to calm her, but that effort was completely futile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice ended up eating dinner at the Hallam house. Alfred’s mum hadn’t returned yet by dinnertime, and his father certainly wouldn’t cook, so Alice and Alfred ordered Chinese and ate it in front of the telly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was midnight by the time Mrs. Hallam returned, and Alice and Alfred were on the couch cuddling. Some Disney film was playing on the television, and their takeout trash was littered around them. Alice expected Mrs. Hallam to yell at them for having eaten on her perfect white couch, or for not being in bed, but Mrs. Hallam only looked sadly at the two of them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“May I speak to you in private, Alice?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice shared a nervous look with Alfred. Alfred responded, “Whatever you have to say, you can say to the both of us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mrs. Hallam gave Alfred a look that said she’d hit him if she wasn’t so exhausted. She let out a tired breath, and said, “Alice, your mum unfortunately passed away tonight. The baby, too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice didn’t think she’d heard Mrs. Hallam properly at first. Surely she’d misheard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” She asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mrs. Hallam only brushed it off and continued, “Catherine is coming back over tomorrow. You can sleep here for the night. You two have lots of paperwork to go through.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice seriously could not have been hearing her right. Her mother had just died, and all Mrs. Hallam cared about was paperwork. She knew that the Hallams were just like that: uptight and cold to avoid any semblance of emotion. That still didn’t change how baffling it was to hear, though.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice looked over to Alfred, who she could tell was trying so hard not to cry. He caught her glance, though, and immediately stood, hand in hers, to run upstairs. He didn’t even care if his mother would be upset at him for not cleaning up from dinner.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once they’d arrived in Alfred’s room, Alfred began to cry. Alice didn’t feel good, but she didn’t want to cry, either. Everything hurt so badly that she was starting to feel numb. And yet, somehow, it hurt even more to see Alfred cry.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alfred,” Alice said, hugging him tight. “It’s okay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alfred didn’t understand Alice being so calm about this. She was torn up for weeks about her father dying. “She was your mum.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s just as much yours as she is mine,” Alice retorted gently, stroking his curls gently. She sighed. “Besides,” she added. “She’s not gone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Alfred asked. He pulled out of the hug to wipe at his eyes. Alice handed him a tissue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Energy doesn’t just disappear.” She pointed to his window. “She’s out there.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No she’s not,” Alfred said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice nodded. “She’s in the stars with all of the other great historians and poets and...heroes,” Alice explained, just like her mother had told her years before. “She’s with dad, too. and...Nick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice grew shaky, and tears filled her eyes. It was Alfred’s turn to hold her to his chest and comfort her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alice knew she’d later make plans to run far, far away. She didn’t want to stay with her sister and do paperwork and be sad. She didn’t want to attend a funeral, and she didn’t want her entire class to tell her “Sorry for your loss.” She didn’t want to read sympathy cards or open up pity gifts. Alice didn’t want to mourn. But for now, while the stars were still out, Alice just wanted to lay in Alfred’s arms and do just that. Alice just wanted to believe her mother was right, and that they really </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> still out there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss them,” she whispered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Alfred said.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>